Desi wedding guide on In-laws and culture

(Wedding Series Post)
It’s very common in Pakistan that girls get married and they enter their New susral house with so much zeal and enthusiasm that they will win the next Nobel Bahu prize only to find out later that there is no such thing. Why? Because perfect relationships don’t exist!
I’ve seen girls bending over backwards doing everything from cleaning the house to handling the finances to being a full time manager of the house trying to be THE PERFECT BAHU only to realize when it’s too late that perfection is unachievable. İt’s not just for bahus, there are no perfect relationships on Earth so it’s pointless forgetting yourself and sacrificing so much that you don’t even recognize yourself anymore in order to be perfect and keep others happy.
Marriage is a beautiful relationship but Pakistani society has made it into a such a toxic relationship that people are starting to run away from getting married rather than wanting it. İt’s very common to say “shadi larka larki Mai nai dou families mai hoti hay” (marriage isn’t between a woman and a man but btw two families), it was SUPPOSED to be between a man and woman but families say raha nai gia Kay limelight kisi our pay ho.
I’ve had allhamdollilah (say mashallah) a very loving and supportive susral but when people see that love and support they call me “Lucky” jaysay mere lottery nikli ho and baki bas scratch karty hain tou “try again” likha hota hay.
Marriage wasn’t supposed to be a lottery that a few win, it was supposed to be a happiness that everyone gets in life.
İt’s such a messed up concept here in Pakistan, it makes me so sad!
For all the men who are reading this, for all the mothers, the daughters, everyone. Stop trying to achieve perfection and feeling depressed when you’re not, stop making others feel bad for not being who you wanted them to be; They’re humans and you can’t control humans!
We need to stop the toxic behaviors that are normal in Pakistan. Let’s talk about marriage, it’s issues and blessings and treat each other nicely.
Let’s be better as a society!
Disclaimer: You may or may not agree with my opinions on this topic, be cordial still and know that I’ve talked about this from what I’ve seen in the world and it might not be what you saw.*
*This post is not based on my personal experiences rather what I’ve seen so please don’t assume anything.*
ratushafa0719
hi there. thanks for sharing your thoughts on this matter. i’ve been married since 2016 and i feel okay until i gave birth to my baby. i feel that his family do not trust me in raising my child and they expected me to raise my child according to their family traditions. for example, they wanted my baby to eat their local food. for me, it’s okay to introduce variety of foods to my baby but hey, she’s just 13 months and she has a long time to grow up rite? i am her mom. i dont want my child to be sick. lately, i feel like a complete stranger and it is so hard for me to let go of this feeling. the feeling of being rejected. honestly, i’m not a person who change so much according to surroundings. i am who i am and if they really wanted me to be like them, why on earth they agreed on our marriage. isn’t getting in-laws in different culture supposed to be something exciting?